


Beginnings of Fear

by Serenity4Lifeee



Series: Oikawa Tooru and the Inability to Fall Asleep Without Iwaizumi Hajime [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Backstory, Comfort, Fear, First Kiss, Friendship, High School, Idiots in Love, Kinda Getting together, M/M, Nightmares, Oikawa looks like crap, Realizing Love, Struggle sleeping, Worried Iwaizumi Hajime, iwaoi - Freeform, oikawa can't sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:14:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25955791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serenity4Lifeee/pseuds/Serenity4Lifeee
Summary: After talk of going to different college's Oikawa finds himself plagued by fear. He had never looked at the future as scary but with the thought of Iwaizumi not standing next to him through it he finds it's a lot more terrifying.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Series: Oikawa Tooru and the Inability to Fall Asleep Without Iwaizumi Hajime [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1879636
Comments: 3
Kudos: 178
Collections: kagsivity's fic archive





	Beginnings of Fear

**Author's Note:**

> This is the backstory of how things started.

Oikawa felt his heart drop at the words, fists clenching as he started to shake. He didn’t want to believe it but they kept ringing in his head tauntingly.

“You’re thinking about going to a different school?” He asked, trying to stop his hands from shaking.

“I mean, yeah,” Iwaizumi said. “I have to look at multiple options. I’m not like you and have my whole career planned out.” Oikawa nodded, gulping as he looked at his friend.

“I just- we’ve always been right next to each other. It’ll be weird being separated…” Iwaizumi shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“It was bound to happen. We can’t stay next to each other forever.” Oikawa was more wounded by those words than he would’ve thought.

“Yeah, you’re right,” he said, brushing it off. “That was stupid.” He turned away, nails digging into the palm of his hand painfully. “See you later, Iwa-chan.” He walked away before he could hear a response, panic swelling in his chest. He’d never looked at the future in fear but for some reason the thought of not having Iwaizumi next to him made it terrifying.

* * *

**_Oikawa reached out, missing Iwaizumi by mere centimeters as his friend walked away from him._ **

**_“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa called out. Iwaizumi didn’t turn, keeping up with his steady pace. Oikawa tried to follow him but when he went to take a step he couldn’t lift his foot, locking him in place. Panic filled him as he struggled to lift his feet, grasping out as Iwaizumi left. “Iwa-chan!”_ **

**_“We can’t stay next to each other forever,” Iwaizumi said without turning. The words were like a stab to the heart as Iwaizumi started to fade. “Besides, why would I want to stay with someone like you for the rest of my life?”_ **

Oikawa woke with a start, gasping as he clawed at his chest, tears streaming down his face as those final words echoed in his head. His body trembled with the sobs that wracked his body and he pushed his blankets away so he could curl into a tight ball.

“It’s not real,” he whispered to himself. “Friends don’t always stick together,” he said. “It’s normal to go your separate ways. We can still be just as close.” The words did little to comfort the fear he felt. He didn’t know why but he wanted Iwaizumi to be there and to never leave. “Come on, Tooru. Get ahold of yourself,” he muttered, though his tears didn’t stop and neither did his shaking.

* * *

Iwaizumi raised his eyebrows when he caught sight of Oikawa. His normally put together friend looked like an absolute mess. His shirt was untucked under his vest, his tie was crooked and his hair unstyled and resting flat. He even had bags under his eyes and they looked the slightest bit red. It was an unusual sight for Oikawa who always made sure he looked perfect before leaving the house.

“The hell is with you, Shittykawa? Didn’t you get any sleep?” Oikawa’s lips were in a thin line as his gaze shifted to Iwaizumi.

“Yeah,” he replied in a voice that lacked much emotion. He brushed past Iwaizumi, shoulders hunched as he walked ahead, not bothering to wait. Iwaizumi followed after him, stepping up until he was next to Oikawa. He eyed his friend in confusion but Oikawa didn’t look at him, eyes locked on the road in front of them.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Oikawa grunted in response, leaving Iwaizumi with nothing that could be of any use. He sighed, rolling his eyes as their walk became quiet. If Oikawa didn’t want to talk Iwaizumi wasn’t going to make him.

* * *

A full week had passed and each day Iwaizumi found himself getting angrier and angrier. Each day Oikawa had come out looking even worse than the day before and it was infuriating that Oikawa refused to say anything. Iwaizumi was ready to strangle him.

“Damn, Iwaizumi,” Hanamaki said with a grin. “This is the third time you’ve been used as a pillow. How’s it feel?” Iwaizumi glared up at him, arms crossed.

“Shut up,” he snapped back. Matsukawa rested his arm on Hanamaki’s shoulder, eyes traveling over Oikawa who was asleep against Iwaizumi, head on his shoulder as he breathed softly. Iwaizumi didn’t want to wake him because the eye bags Oikawa sported were so dark it was almost terrifying. It didn’t help that Oikawa was paler than usual and stumbled almost constantly. He looked sickly and the thought left Iwaizumi with an unpleasant feeling.

“You’ve gotta get back to class. What are you gonna do?” Iwaizumi frowned, gaze sliding to Oikawa as his friend slept.

“He can sleep on his desk,” Iwaizumi said, looking back at Hanamaki and Matsukawa.

“Mhm,” Matsukawa replied, arm slipping off of Hanamaki as he backed away. “I wish you luck.” With that said he walked away, leaving Iwaizumi with Hanamaki.

“Come on, Iwaizumi. I wanna see if you drop him.” Iwaizumi shot him a look before reaching out to hold Oikawa up. He shifted himself away, standing as Oikawa slouched in his chair. Iwaizumi watched as his brow furrowed, a small whimper leaving him. The reaction was unexpected and left Iwaizumi with wide eyes.

“Iwa…” Oikawa murmured. Before Iwaizumi could react Oikawa’s breathing quickened and he jolted, shooting awake with wide panicked eyes. Iwaizumi pulled away, staring in shock as Oikawa wrapped his arms around himself, gaze flitting around fearfully. He stopped on Iwaizumi and seemed to pale even more.

“Tooru?” Oikawa stood up, eyes moving away as his body trembled.

“I’m fine,” he stated before promptly walking out of the room, leaving Iwaizumi stunned.

“I don’t think he’s fine,” Hanamaki said. Iwaizumi turned a glare on him.

“No shit,” he snapped, mind racing over what had just happened. Oikawa had said his name before waking up panicked. Whatever was wrong with Oikawa had something to do with him. Iwaizumi clenched his teeth, walking out the door. He had to confront Oikawa.

* * *

Iwaizumi found that confronting Oikawa was quite hard when the person in question did everything possible to avoid you. He was on his last nerve as he stormed up to Oikawa’s front door. Oikawa, being the scaredy cat that he was, had basically run away after practice leaving Iwaizumi to hunt him down. He knocked on the door, turning the knob and opening it. Oikawa’s parents didn’t seem to be home and in his rush the dumbass seemed to have forgotten to lock the door.

“Fucking idiot,” Iwaizumi muttered, shutting the door and slipping off his shoes. Once he was done he entered the familiar house. It was basically a second home to him and he knew where everything was, which made it very easy to find Oikawa’s room. He didn’t bother to knock, slamming the door open.

“Oh my god!” Oikawa yelped, eyes wide as he scrambled back on his bed. Iwaizumi glared at him and Oikawa visibly gulped.

“You’re going to tell me what’s wrong with you before I force it out of you,” he demanded. Oikawa pulled his legs up to his chest, chin resting on them as he frowned.

“I swear it’s nothing.” At Iwaizumi’s darkened look Oikawa caved. “It’s just nightmares,” he answered. “Stupid nightmares.” Iwaizumi hadn’t quite been expecting that.

“What are they about?” Oikawa glanced up at him and Iwaizumi noticed that he looked scared. These nightmares had to be pretty horrible to make Oikawa look like that.

“It’s stupid, really. It’s not even anything that bad.” Iwaizumi stepped closer, sitting on the edge of Oikawa’s bed.

“Must be pretty bad in your opinion or it wouldn’t affect you like this.” Oikawa looked away, biting his lip.

“Iwa-chan, I don’t want us to go our separate ways,” he finally said. Iwaizumi blinked, tilting his head in question. “I don’t want to lose you,” Oikawa continued. “I’m so fucking scared of losing you that I can’t even sleep without the thought of you leaving working its way into my mind.” Oikawa started to shake as he spoke, blinking rapidly. “I want you right there with me because I don’t know what life without you by my side is like.” Oikawa buried his face in his arms as a whimper escaped. “I know it’s stupid and that I shouldn’t hold you back. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not stupid and you shouldn’t feel sorry,” Iwaizumi responded, moving closer so he could pull Oikawa into his arms. His friend fell into him easily, shuddering with each gasping breath as wet tears slid down his face. “I feel the same way,” Iwaizumi informed. “Though… maybe not in a way that affects my health.”

“Every time it’s you leaving me,” Oikawa whispered between tears. “Whether you walk away or you’re taken away.” He shook his head. “It hurts when I wake up. It hurts to go back to sleep because I know the nightmares will be there waiting for me.” He pulled away so he could look at Iwaizumi. His brown eyes were pained and watery from the tears. “Hajime, I don’t like to sleep. It’s too painful.”

“What about when we were at school? You’ve fallen asleep multiple times.” Oikawa shrugged and Iwaizumi reached out to wipe away the tear tracks under his eyes.

“I’ve been afraid of losing you so when you’re there and I can feel you next to me it makes sleeping way easier.” Iwaizumi watched as red colored Oikawa’s cheeks. “But then I feel you pull away and everything is cold and that fear seeps back in. It’s like you’re leaving me all over again.” Iwaizumi held his face in his hands, their eyes locking.

“I’m not  _ ever _ going to leave you. I promise,” he said seriously. Oikawa looked doubtful so Iwaizumi continued. “Tooru, I swear on my life I will never walk away from you for good. I’m right here and I always will be.” Oikawa held his gaze for a few seconds longer before nodding.

“I believe you.” Iwaizumi smiled, hands falling away from his friend's face.

“Good. I’m staying the night tonight.” Oikawa blinked as Iwaizumi stood, walking over to the collection of movies Oikawa had in his room.

“Wait- Iwa-chan?” Iwaizumi frowned at the collection, finding only a select few that didn’t relate to aliens.

“You clearly need some sleep and I don’t mind. Our parents shouldn’t care either.” Iwaizumi looked over his shoulder just in time to see Oikawa smile before it was quickly hidden by his arms.

“I would like that a lot.”

* * *

Oikawa woke up without feeling panicked for the first time in days. It was dark out and his mind was still hazy with sleep as he propped himself up on his elbow. He looked around, gaze stopping on Iwaizumi as his friend lay asleep under the covers. He was on his side, features relaxed as he dozed and Oikawa found himself filled with incredible amounts of affection.

“I love you,” he murmured softly into the night. It took a few seconds for his brain to catch up but when it did Oikawa gasped, body going stiff. Holy shit. He stared down at Iwaizumi as his friend groaned. The more he looked at him the more Oikawa was hit with the realization. How had he not known? Now it was suddenly so clear to him. “Fuck,” he muttered, suddenly aching with the urge to kiss Iwaizumi, which he suddenly remembered was also not the first time he’d thought that.

“Oikawa?” He sucked in a gasp at Iwaizumi’s voice as his friend moved. Oikawa watched as Iwaizumi’s eyes found him in the dark of the room, expression unreadable. “Are you okay? Did you have a nightmare?” Oikawa felt the stiffness leave him as he smiled.

“I didn’t,” he answered truthfully. “I’ve never slept better.” He heard Iwaizumi hum in acknowledgement and continued. “Thank you… Hajime.” Instead of a worded response Oikawa felt Iwaizumi move and suddenly there were surprisingly soft lips pressed against his own. He stilled at the touch and Iwaizumi pulled back, eyes searching his in the dark.

“Well, fuck,” Iwaizumi said simply. Oikawa had to hold back a laugh at the words, a small snort leaving him. “Tooru, I think I like you… a lot.” Oikawa became silent instantly as he stared back at Iwaizumi. “I really like kissing you.”

“Hajime, are you-” he was cut off by another kiss. This time he returned it, kissing back. When Iwaizumi pulled away Oikawa felt a warm hand on his face, rough and so familiar.

“Will you go out with me? On a date?” Oikawa leaned into the comforting touch.

“I would love to,” he said, happiness filling him as Iwaizumi pulled him into his chest. He felt warm and complete, mind already drifting back off into sleep. He had never felt more comfortable in his life.

**Author's Note:**

> There were feelings before but in their half asleep state they realized and acted on them without really thinking. From then on they're together, though Oikawa's fear of being left behind stays.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
